The greatest thing happened to me the other day….Yesterday, Thursday, January 27,2011 I met this girl who inspires me greatly; Nicole. She’s the friend that everyone wants. She doesn’t expect you to give, she loves you for you and has your best interest in mind. I cannot tell you how nervous/ excitied I was to meet this amazing, beautiful, and loving girl. I had butterflies, the shakes, and the wiggles. I had the shakes, wiggles, and nervousness all day, sitting in the car, walking into Panera Bread to meet her for the first time. I walked in towards her…seeing her was the greatest thing ever. She is so beautiful, funny, caring, supportive, loving, etc. The hour I spent with Nicole talking to her, laughing with her, drinking lemonaid with her, and hugging Mr. and Mrs. Monkey went by way to fast. She made me a new “you are loved” bracelet <3. I miss Nicole so much. Meeting her was a dream come true. She is very personable, easy to relate to for me, I understand her so much. I love Nicole dearly. I love her sense of style, her laugh, her smile, her eyes, and her personality. It all makes her so unique and it makes Nicole, Nicole. There are so many dreams we want to do together; kayaking, sledding, swinging, sleepovers with lots of food, and teaching her how to make a bracelet!
Nicole = Inspiration
One of my favorite summer activities to do is swing. I love to swing. When I swing I feel like I am flying across the sky, I feel like freedom is right at my fingertips. Feeling the wind through my hair and on my face as I go back and forth; it gives me a sense of comfort and happiness. This is a weird activity that can give me such a great feeling. I feel like a little kid when I swing. When I think of little kids I imagine happy, content with their lives, full of joy, and just free. I imagine them happy because they haven’t reached the stage in their life like some people do where you have the fear of rejection and judgment. When you are a little kid you like your life; if you have a good family and good environment to live in. you don’t feel chained down to impress people, you don’t feel chained down to be perfect, and most of all you don’t feel chained down to be someone you aren’t, you’re able to just be who you are inside and out. You don’t feel the pressure to be someone you’re not when you are out in public and then be who you truly are when you are behind closed doors. Swinging makes me feel like a little kid, therefore, I feel free, happy, content with my life, and the ability to be myself. I love to swing.
As a little girl, we all grow up wanting the perfect wedding. We grow up imagining everything to be perfect; beautiful white wedding dress, perfect fiancé, amazing shoes, hair all pretty in curls, nails and toes done, make up all natural and beautiful. Bridesmaids dresses all matching and looking stunning, flowers matching the bridesmaids dresses; very pretty. A wonderful bouquet to throw after the wedding. The perfect pedals to be thrown on the aisle by the flower girl for the bride to walk through to get to her soon to be husband.
We imagine ourselves walking down the aisle, arms linked with the daddy’s arm heading towards the love of your life; that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Looking forward with intense and romantic eye contact between the bride and groom, the bride walks down the aisle. Thinking how lucky she is to be marrying someone so perfect, loving, caring, handsome, special, unique, etc. As we are standing by our soon to be husband… with tears in our eyes and smiles from ear to ear we say our “I do’s.” The bride and groom kiss and are pronounced as the couple with one last name; the husbands last name.
As little girls we grow up making sure that the wedding is perfect, finding the perfect stuff, the perfect guy, the perfect everything. As we grow up we are forced to believe that our “perfect” wedding is just a fairy tale wedding. We grow up to find the one and only person you want to spend the rest of your life with, little do we know, we don’t find them, we find each other. It doesn’t matter about the dress, shoes, flowers, and guests… all that matters is if there is true love between the bride and groom.
Through many heartaches, tears, hatred, headaches, uncomfortable stomach feeling, etc, the perfect guy and perfect girl… fall in love. I never understood the concept of heart breaks, heart aches, tears over a guy, how you could “love” someone and then hate them after something goes wrong. I never understood that it was all just a test, a test to see if you are really compatible for each other. Without the heartaches and heartbreaks as little girls, teenagers, and sometimes adults, we wouldn’t ever know what it feels like to be truly in love. We wouldn’t know the difference between true love and fake love, between really caring for someone and just wanting what is best for them than pretending to care about someone so you can benefit from it. Love is tricky but it is something that is so special.
True love is so unexplainable. It’s like a feeling that just captures your heart, soul, and mind. It takes control of your body and just makes you have reason for breathing, fighting, and pretty much living every day. If I were to TRY to explain how true loves makes you feel I would say it feels like this: amazing, wonderful, like you have found the other part of you that you have always searched for, the other part of you that completes you and makes you feel whole, true love gives you comfort, trust, happiness, laughter, tears of joy and upset, honesty. There is no true description of love. Love is different for everyone; it makes you feel things that you didn’t even think existed.
True love sometimes drives you crazy and makes your heart race every second, makes you feel like your heart is pounding in your chest; it does so much to you. You can feel true love throughout every part of your body; head to toes.
When you find that true love of yours, you don’t want to ever let it go. You don’t want to let it go because you know that without it you aren’t complete, you are a big giant whole, you have no reason to go on, you can’t imagine what life would be like without that person, you would forever feel like someone left a giant whole in your heart, mind, and soul. You would no longer feel anything but numbness throughout your body.
People also say that you have to be a certain age to be in love. You might hear the saying “you’re too young, you don’t know what love is!” well truth is, you can be 75 and still not know what love is. There is no age limit on love. Love has nothing to do with a number at all… love involves the heart, mind, and soul…nothing about age. Some people mistake love for lust, some people pretend to love someone so they don’t have to be alone, and some people never find love and are by themselves their whole life.
You can be 15, 17,20,32,55 or even 62 and either knows what true love is or you don’t. There is no in-between. One thing that really gets under my skin is when adults tell teenagers that they are too young to know what love is, love isn’t a thing. Love isn’t just a four letter word you throw around to describe some feeling… love is a THE word that describes the biggest feeling you could ever have that is pure and precious towards someone. If you are young and feel that, then you feel true love, if you are older and feel that then you feel true love. I don’t want to say that true love picks you but we don’t pick true love; it just happens. Its unexpected, indescribable, and irresistible.
I don’t want to sound mean, rude, or disrespectful, but true love isn’t for everyone. It takes two special people, two rare people, two special and rare feelings/ connection for true love to exist. I will say that if you think you are in love and found that special person, congratulations, and I hope you spend forever with that person. You are very lucky if you find true love.
Why did you have to hurt me? I miss you so much it causes me so much pain. I love you to death, and it kills me knowing that you aren’t mine anymore. My heart is in pure agony for you. It breaks and bleeds for you. I need you back, I don’t think I can go one more day without you here by my side. Everything I do and people that I see just remind me of you. The things I look for in someone always points back to you. I miss you like crazy. I think about you constantly. Why did you leave? You said you wanted to marry me, that I was the one. Did you lie? I LOVE YOU. I know that I am young and have many years to live, but I know what love is. I am not some little girl, who is in love with a puppy. I am in love with you. There is something about you that just captured my heart, I fell for you day one. I miss you and our great memories together. The trips to the zoo, skate park, ice cream, dances, movies, each others house, making spaghetti together, making a big giant cookie, going to the aquariums together, buying fish and fish stuff together, taking bike rides and walks, playing card games together, sitting and enjoying each others company even though it was silent, kissing in the rain, playing around, etc. How could you just leave all of that behind, leave me behind? You are breaking my heart more and more each day and it’s awful. I want you to come back. I loved you so much and I still do. You made me feel so amazing, so happy, so alive, until my depression kicked in and sucked the fun out of me, and changed me. I lost you, friends, family, I lost a lot. You hurt me. I would give anything in the world to have you back, or have someone that is exactly like you, but that is IMPOSSIBLE.
Why did you leave me? Why did you have to bless me with so many great memories when you were just going to leave me? Do you not know how miserable I am without you? Did you not believe me when I told you that I love you? Was I not good enough for you, pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, creative enough? Did I ever mean anything to you? Do you not see my heart breaking for you? Are you ever going to come back? Am I ever going to see you again? Did you really love me, I thought love lasted forever? I never knew I would cry this many tears over you, curse this many times over you, be so mad at you, love you even more. I never knew. I wish I knew what the future held so I could know what my heart is going to go through so I can prepare myself or so I can avoid that miserable pain I feel because of you. Who knew someone that made you so happy could make you feel so low and depressed. UGH YOU HURT ME SO BAD. I can’t think, write, be happy, or anything because of you! WHY?
Ever wonder what it would be like to have the most perfect arms holding you? I have… many many times. I know that it’s possible though. God has blessed me with this new house. The house that my family and I moved into about 3 weeks ago is awesome, truly a blessing. Once I saw this house I wanted it right away! I have been praying for a spot to spend time alone with the Lord, without distractions,noise, people, anything… I walked into my room now and saw the roof! I was able to open the window and crawl out to the roof and just sit there.. a few days later my mom got a phone call saying the house was ours. I first took advantage of this wonderful gift God gave me. I blew it off.. I was like eh, I got it and it’s not going anywhere. How selfish and ungreatful I was. It wasn’t until recently the Lord broke me and I knew then and there that I needed to get my life together. The Lord did this by taking away someone I loved so much and still love. The first night I sat out on my roof was alright. It was dark, the street lights were on and they have this orange tint to them, and the air had this nice cooling breeze! It felt great but something was missing, something I didn’t really know how to get to come there. It was the presence of the Holy Spirit. I was just sitting there with “la la la” going through my head. I wasn’t ready for Him. It wasn’t until recently I was laying down on my roof, and there was this pretty sunset and I felt this warm feeling… this feeling I have never felt before. I couldn’t do anything but just be still and allow it to be upon me. I knew who it was.. It was my heavenly daddy . This was so amazing. I have allowed God to show me who He really is. I don’t understand how people can turn away from God, if we can all experience this AMAZING, INDESCRIBABLE feeling in the entire world. That is why we all need to share this feeling and share who this perfect savior is. I am so lucky to have him on my side. I have that ONE person to show me affection, love me, be with me, hold me, call me His daughter, make me happy, laugh, wipe my tears, cry with me, mend my broken heart, everything anyone could ever ask for! He is The Rock on which I stand. I want to love Him!! I want to desire Him!! I want to adore Him. That is something I strive for! He leaves me speechless!
Hanger: It’s no rocket science knowing that a hanger goes in the closet!… if there is room! You can fill your closet up as full as you want with anything you want but when will the space run out? A closet is a good example to define life. You can fill your life with whatever you want by choice… but when will your life reach its maximum number of items? Is there even enough room for God? How much room is there for God in your life, if there is any room in your life at all. This is where you need to examine your life and see where God stands.
Mask: This is an object a superhero wears… A super hero is someone who saves the day and someone you can count on… well God is the ultimate superhero! He is always there, protects us, watches out for us, guides us, and loves us. He is our constant companion. We are lucky to have a superhero such as Him. He will never let us down, ever!
Pennant: If you are a fan of something you want to know as much as you can about what that object, person, etc. You sometimes go to extreme measures to find everything out that you can! You are so into it. Imagine being God’s biggest fan!!! To other people we are just a face in the crowd, just another plain person who doesn’t really matter…However, to God we are loved, known, and recognized. We are seen individually by God!